The Frat Boy's Dictionary

"Dude, that shit is hella miscellaneous." ~Random Girl on Street

Putting aside my hatred of the word 'hella' and its equally evil counterpart 'hecka,' I have to say that this is possibly the funniest sentence I have ever had the pleasure of noting.

While the rapid deterioration of the American English language saddens me, I reluctantly find myself amused by the results of the ridiculous use of slang and profanity in place of real words. "Real words?" you might ask, taken aback. "Why, Kaitlin, whatever do you mean? Are they not English? Do they not have letters? What makes a word 'real'?"

Real words are often replaced by profanity in an attempt to create a more powerful or intimidating sentence. To give the sentence more oomph, if you will. The latter have real meanings and are never intentionally used to mean something they just simply don't. For example, the word "fuck" has a dictionary meaning: "to have sexual intercourse" or (as a noun) "act of sexual intercourse." However, here are a few examples of the common uses of the word:

1. "I was so fuckin' drunk, dude." (Expected responses: "Sweeeeeet" Or "Niiiiiice" Generally accompanied by a high five.)

Applying the dictionary definition, this would refer to drunken sex-if one has no exception to using "drunk" as an adjective, which I do, but that's another tale. And yet, the speaker obviously means he was incredibly drunk. Unbelievably drunk. Drunk on a level that is past all other levels of drunkenness that he has thus far experienced.

2. "It's a fucking book, man." (Expected responses: "Dude" or "Chill" or some other grudgingly acquiescent colloquialism)

Is the book engaged in intercourse? Is it a book ABOUT sexual intercourse? I suppose the latter might be, while crude, acceptable. Rather, this is used in an annoyed or incredulous manner, usually to make the other person "chill" or to inform him of something he should already know.

3. "Fuck me." (No response necessary.)

No, this is not an engraved invitation. (Generally.) For the most part, this is used as an incredulous expletive following a somehow surprising situation.

Looking back, how can one ask me if "fuck" is a real word? It appears, in modern day English, to be able to replace any word denoted for any sentiment. Considering the increasingly crude veneer of American culture, while the Democrats have unveiled their plans to end this "Culture of Corruption," I don't see this deterioration reversing itself any time soon. I have to say that my faith in our allegedly inevitable redemption has reached a critical low. Forgive my jaded disbelief at their attempts to right the wrongs that they have helped perpetuate. I only have one thing to say to them: Bite me.

Now, "bite me" is another interesting colloquialism...